I am a problem gambler. Gambling has caused a lot of misery in my life. In the past few months, I have been kicked out of my parent's house because of gambling. I lived in a homeless shelter for about 6 weeks. Then, because I wasn't saving enough money according to the agreement with my case manager, I had to admit that I was still gambling. I was then kicked out of the homeless shelter. A friend took me in but she wanted me to save money and not gamble.

Last weekend, I went to the casino, and had a string of good luck. I won several big jackpots. With only $60 of my own money invested, I got up to $3500. But then I gave it all back. I wish I had the common sense and control to stop when I am ahead like that. That money would have gone a long way to helping me be on my own and not dependent upon the kindness of my friend to let me stay with her.

For years I have floundered in dead-end manual labor jobs, despite graduating fourth in my high school class of over 200 students, having a college degree and a high IQ.

My new 2nd-shift job is pretty boring, but at least I make better money than I have for the last 4 years when I was working at other manual labor jobs.

At one point I was an officer candidate at one of our country's top military academies. I could have been a "Top Gun" pilot, an astronaut, or a respected politician.

But because of my personal hangups, I eliminated myself from contention. I have spent years feeling like I have no significance and no voice.

Writing this blog is an attempt to move forward in my life and work through my hangups.